Help! I can't breathe! I feel so squeezed. I just want to escape this! I need to get out in here!

Even before the mourning, I was hearing my name from people. They're nominating as, damn it, Ms. Intrams.

Never ever in my life i joined a fucking pageant. Never ever in my life I got into such situations. Never ever in my life I want to cry just because of HUMILIATION!

And then my cousin passed away. We were morning and still mourning now. Then suddenly, just in blues, Ma'am Amy left me with no choice. She personally picked me. Shit!

Hatred grew into my heart. I realized something about her. If she wants something from you, she SHOULD get it. If you doubt on giving it to her, she'll convince you to death. If you still don't want to, she'll make you feel guilty. If you still don't want to, she'll talk about you to another individual... GOSSIP SUCKS!

It's not that I'm not confident. It's about critiques. Yeah, I'm damn it, PARANOID. Here's what I really think... 1. People will say I'm FAT 2. They'll laugh at me 3. They'll disrespect me (esp. the MALE ones) 4. They'll surely tease me after the competition 5. Maybe I'll LOSE.

Here's this one thing. Maybe... or shall I say SURELY, I will never regain my confidence. I can't even show off my face. If it is only possible, I wish I'll never go to school again so no one could tease me or even remember what I did in front of them.

I'm sorry. I don't want fame. Yes I have dreams of becoming a supermodel but that does not mean that THIS should be the stepping stone of that dream. BECAUSE, IT's NOT!

I want to know who the hell nominated me to ma'am. Coz I know there's someone. But I guess I have no choice. Since I guess my parents won't say "NO". I sometimes wish they do. Sometimes, parent's strictness has advantages. Maybe I'll just do this with hatred in my heart. Maybe I'll just do this for the sake of people's fucking demand. Not because I want to. Not because I'm comfortable with this. Not because I'm having fun. Not because I'm afraid. Not because I believe in their so called "MORAL SUPPORT". Not because I want to get humilitated and the subject of gossip. Not because I want to grab this opportunity over someone else who really really want it. And I'm not doing this because I'm HAPPY coz I AM NOT.

Maybe you'll think that I'm over acting or so. Yes I am . Because if for you THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL, well for me IT IS. shit!

 

This is what I am planning for out project in Physics. On the left side of the album page would be the picture of the physicist on top of 2 patterned papers. On the right side would be the description and stickers...

Would it be nice????

Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino wrote this song to his late wife, the former president of the Philippines, Corazon Aquino...

I have fallen in love
with the same woman three times;
In a day spanning 19 years
of tearful joys and joyful tears.

I loved her first when she was young,
enchanting and vibrant, eternally new.
She was brilliant, fragrant,
and cool as the morning dew.

I fell in love with her the second time;
when first she bore her child and mine
always by my side, the source of my strength,
helping to turn the tide.

But there were candles to burn
the world was my concern;
while our home was her domain.
and the people were mine
while the children were hers to maintain;

So it was in those eighteen years and a day.
’till I was detained; forced in prison to stay.

Suddenly she’s our sole support;
source of comfort,
our wellspring of Hope.
on her shoulders felt the burden of Life.

I fell in love again,
with the same woman the third time.
Looming from the battle,
her courage will never fade

Amidst the hardships she has remained,
undaunted and unafraid.
she is calm and composed,
she is God’s lovely maid.